at some point i became old. i didn’t just discover that fact. it’s been a lingering notion. there’s wasn’t any sort of epiphany, more a black spot of mold that occurred on the bottom of my soul’s shower curtain and slowly, methodically crept unnoticed until it caught my gaze. i fight this mentally with the act of discovery, new music, old music i haven’t heard and images. new and old that continue to spark interest. i just know if i stop this act of discovery then the mold will only grow faster, there’s no outrunning it sure, but there has to be way to slow the dampening. nothing profound, just continuing to have to energy for the unknown things that the senses can still distinguish.
another year of youth soccer wrapped this past weekend. around 2,200 miles logged through a half dozen states or so. long drives, cheap hotels, craft beers, KindTM bars, grapes, oranges, vegan pizzas, ugly socks and moments. moments of joyful play, painful losses, car naps, good songs and words. sometimes many, sometimes few. boys and pops. i know i am on a count down when it comes to these moments. they grow…UP. boy #1 is job searching, living out of town for stretches, talking about his next life and wants…#2 has school, girl, guitars and a slinging hash at the pool. changes (turn and face the strange). here’s to one less season of soccer, still a few more but i’m remembering to savor all the moments on the ball even if there is another one through.
When I go downtown
I always wear a corduroy suit
cause it’s made of a hundred gutters
that the rain can run right through
but a lonely man can’t make a move
if he can’t even bring himself to choose
between a pair of black and a pair of brown shoes.
black and brown blues – Silver Jews
we spend so much time walking the fine line of fitting in and sticking out that it’s tiring. photography is not only a metaphor but a means to illustrate this need. just look at instagram and facebook and the importance put on the amount of “likes” someone receives for their efforts of trying to shoot a different “selfie” (that fucking word is abhorrent). “Look at me, I’m an individual…I hope you like my individuality so much that I am accepted by you…but maybe above you, definitely not below you, just like me for being so different, yet not so different that you don’t accept me…” it must be hellish to be young and try to navigate the constant need for relevance in a social sphere that is built on irrelevance of self on any real level–outside of selling us more page views, clicks and new shoes, socks, supplements and hamburgers. i’m waiting for the backlash where we all decide we don’t want anyone to see what we are doing instead of the need for validation of everything we do. so yeah, here’s some bikes.
cliche’, sure, it’s the journey, not the destination, etc. and so on. but it’s true. as i continue to age (for some damned reason) i am more and more aware of this old, tired fact. now to just slow down and live a little more of my life with this recognition at the top of my mind.
after a huge fall of soccer that included pulling double duty as a starting Varsity high school player as a freshman and helping the club team go undefeated in league play to make the jump up to the next level for spring, the spring has rolled into early summer with reward(s) for all the hard work. a cup, the U.S. Youth Soccer, Kentucky State Open Cup to be exact. for all the success in soccer, the trophies, the medals, the t-shirts, the atta-boys this item has been elusive. but no longer. great coaching, super commitment and a winning, positive mindset are all huge parts of this whirlwind run of the last 10 months. but it’s isn’t over yet…more for sure…
a quick tale of two boys who achieved the first part of a late spring/early summer goal. one (not pictured here) made it to NYC, as an intern at Hearst Publishing, settled into a room at NYC and will spend the next 3 months becoming something he wasn’t before he left Lexington. my heart is full for him. amazed at his guts and talent it took to get himself in the position to be there. he’s already won and doesn’t even know it. the second, pictured above, helped his team make it through the first round of the Kentucky State Cup. his team had a tremendous first weekend, executing 15 goals while giving up zero, zilch, nadda. he finished with a pair of goals and 3 assists on the weekend and some massive center midfield play in some important matches. so for a pair of boys, a nice weekend on the way to bigger missions as the summer progresses. forward they go. i just try and get a few pictures of it.
in a little more than a week, old boy #1 moves to NYC for 11 weeks for an internship in the very real world of publishing. proud, oh, I am. amazed at the courage he has, oh, i am. this week i am going to cram in a bunch of photography, it’s been awhile since i actually took a photo of him that wasn’t hurried and with a phone, some words, but only about what an adventure he will have and maybe a hint of things hidden in the cracks of the city. i can’t wait for him to live and learn in what is the greatest city in the world. i know his dance card is full and his life is transitioning to one of his own, the way it should be. but none of that ever lessens the size of the lump in my throat.
13th century theologian St. Thomas Aquinas explored human transgression, notably the seven deadly sins. of the sin of pride, he said, “inordinate self-love is the cause of every sin…” which some few centuries down the line can best be described like–we are so wrapped up in ourselves that we feel we really can’t be judged and don’t really have to go by the rules–and once we buy into that most of our transgressions are just written off not as sin but as freedom of choice. i’m not a religious sort at all and basically scoff at organized attempts at worship and the way that religion is used to control simple minds. but i do understand the need to put things into an order when it comes to life lessons explored in some of the writings related explaining sin, redemption and being a better person. these writings are worth pondering even if i don’t claim to be an expert on either side of theology. i think pride is something that us, Americans, have maybe way to much of, and so few of us have actually earned the self-love we shower upon ourselves. have you seen any campaign ads recently?