at some point i became old. i didn’t just discover that fact. it’s been a lingering notion. there’s wasn’t any sort of epiphany, more a black spot of mold that occurred on the bottom of my soul’s shower curtain and slowly, methodically crept unnoticed until it caught my gaze. i fight this mentally with the act of discovery, new music, old music i haven’t heard and images. new and old that continue to spark interest. i just know if i stop this act of discovery then the mold will only grow faster, there’s no outrunning it sure, but there has to be way to slow the dampening. nothing profound, just continuing to have to energy for the unknown things that the senses can still distinguish.
weird at times, how images appear, then disappear just as quickly. one click of the shutter, usually hurried, shaky, not as sharp as you would like–but there… too far away, wrong camera but you still try to grab it before it’s gone, one frame on a roll of 12 then on to something else. just capture the here, now, if you can. and, you can.
another year of youth soccer wrapped this past weekend. around 2,200 miles logged through a half dozen states or so. long drives, cheap hotels, craft beers, KindTM bars, grapes, oranges, vegan pizzas, ugly socks and moments. moments of joyful play, painful losses, car naps, good songs and words. sometimes many, sometimes few. boys and pops. i know i am on a count down when it comes to these moments. they grow…UP. boy #1 is job searching, living out of town for stretches, talking about his next life and wants…#2 has school, girl, guitars and a slinging hash at the pool. changes (turn and face the strange). here’s to one less season of soccer, still a few more but i’m remembering to savor all the moments on the ball even if there is another one through.
it’s easy to mouth off in defiance, “ain’t nothing or no one gonna stop me from living my dreams…” but in reality just about everything is set-up in this life to do just that…stop you from living your dreams. but that is where you come in, have the determination to be your own person, set your own sights, and follow through on “you.” it’s gotten a little cliche’ but “you do you” isn’t such a bad message. do you, and push through, you can get there…where ever there is for you.
“You’re either gonna be a terrible old man or a really cool old man, so you might as well try and point your way towards cool. “- John Dwyer, Thee Oh Sees
mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, lovers, fighters, friends, enemies, walkers, runners, talkers, sinners…there’s all those hats and more.